Internet Dating Experiment: Why your picture choices are a poor choice.

Eharmony.com is nice enough to flood my inbox with my "newest matches" and make me wonder why I can't just go to the app and look at them...and why they need to flood my inbox in the first place. 

Needless to say, I am curious. Internet dating profiles are somewhat akin to creating a resume for your personal life...posting it is like applying for a job. On your profile, its advantageous to highlight the best, most interesting, least weird version of yourself. 

Which, sidenote, seems to be a problem if you actually are a little bit peculiar. But I digress. 

It should come as no surprise that everyone on a dating website likes to laugh a lot, is looking for a "partner in crime" or a teammate. Everyone is easy going and laid back. Everyone's biggest influence is their parents, or grandparents...occasionally an offbeat teacher...but generally, the person who told them to "work hard and do good."

On the internet, everyone is a beacon of perfection and even-handedness No one gets mad when the trash doesn't get taken out or when the gas tank in the car is left on E, again. We're all wayyy to easy going and laid back. We all thing money is nice for financial security, but we aren't "into" it. We all like to go out for a nice meal and we all LOVE to travel. Everyone's thirsting for adventure and someone to share it with. 

And then there is a the pictures, oh the pictures that we choose. I'm not certain what pictures other girls are putting up, but I when choosing my pictures, I tried to give a realistic, even if somewhat prettied up, version of my life. I've tried to choose pictures that were all taken within the last year and give a decent cross section of my interests, experiences and possibly show my sense of humor. 

It appears that everyone has not taken the same spirit I have. Many pictures are, to put it lightly, interesting choices.

Interesting choice 1: You, in a group, where it's hard to figure out which one you are. 

If you're standing with 4 other dudes, holding a bike, in a full kit, helmets and sunglasses. It's hard to know who you are. Even if you say, I'm the one on the right, it's hard to guess. This also holds true for group pictures of a table full of people. I see that you are having a good time, but I may or may not have any idea which one you are. 

The other day a dude sent me the "first stage" of communication and when looking at his profile, he was in the same picture with the same guy several times. I came *this close* to asking if the other guy was single. 

Interesting choice 2: You, with a face close cropped out of the picture. 

It's been my experience that 9 times out of 10, this face is a chick. Probably your ex girlfriend. Why are you using this picture. Take a quick selfie. If the picture is somewhat current, it gives me the impression that you are recently out of a relationship, which isn't something I'm looking to mess with...if the picture is old...why are you using an old picture? Snap a few selfies, have someone take a few shots. Don't crop your ex out of the picture. 

Interesting choice 3: You, surrounded by a group of women, with no explanation. 

Unless you have 6 sisters, leave this one out. I'm looking for a boyfriend, not someone who spends his weekends up in the club drinkin bottles with models. I'm not looking to compete for your attention. 

On that note, leave the pictures of you in the club out altogether. We're in our mid-late thirties or early forties, who's kidding who about being up in the club. And that Affliction T-shirt looks ridiculous. 

Interesting choice 4: You, around the world. 

I love that you like to travel and have been places, I do! As previously mentioned, I think it's important that your pictures be of the "more recent" variety. (Although the guy who had a picture with the very clear date marker in the corner with 2007 as the year clearly disagrees with me.) 

Unless your job requires travel to exotic locations, I'm really not believing that you've hiked in the Alps, swam with dolphins in Fiji, toured the Colosseum in Rome and walked the Great Wall of China in the past year...or even, really, in the past two years. I'm sure you are attempting to show what a worldly person you are, but to me it just looks like "Look at me in a cool place! Pick ME...and in the next round of pictures you can be standing next to me in these cool places."

Which is not reality. 

I'd rather see pictures that manifest your actual life, not the one you show that you have on social media. Granted, it's going to be the prettiest version of that life, it's an interview after all, but showing me that you've traveled to all these places don't make me want to get to know you more. It makes me question why you are trying so hard. Save the world traveler information for our date. 

Other choices that made me laugh out loud: One guy in a picture that was clearly from HIS wedding. A guy who obviously did a professional photo shoot for his profile and used ONLY these pictures. (Guy at table laughing, guy casually walking in the woods, guy casually throwing a ball for a beautiful Golden Retriever...all in the exact same outfit) 

Or on the other side of the spectrum: The guy who took a low light, out of focus picture with his computer camera and that's the only picture. 

A little effort is nice too, dude.

Dating Scene: 2016

Over the summer I had a bit of a renaissance of myself. I was changing jobs and leaving the hotel industry, decided to get a handle on my fitness and overall health and eliminate some dead weight from my life in general. 

With all that change, I decided to boldly venture into an unknown territory and try on-line dating. 

Perhaps it was my inexperience or perhaps it is because I essentially jumped in with two feet, I found the experience overwhelming and  quickly abandoned the project. 

A few weeks ago, much to my anger and dismay, I discovered that my eharmony membership was on auto-renewal. Therefore, my quick foray into on-line dating inadvertently nailed me for another $140 bones...and those bastards wouldn't...give...it...back...

This shot a white hot bolt of anger through me...and I decided to "beat them at their own game." and use the damn service. 

Yes, I realize there is some sort of irony in that entire statement. 

However, as I will mention in other blogs which I can't seem to get around to finishing, I've recently decided to set up some parameters for my dating life...a few guidelines...some rules. 

I'm Catholic, we Catholics really enjoy clear sets of rules. At least we are fully aware of breaking them. 

This time, as I more "dip my toe" into online dating, I'm doing it with some guidelines and rules. 

Needless to say, the Sly Kitten, Gucci and Emcee have been involved in various discussions about these rules and it's come up several times that said gentlemen might be off-put by my parameters.

I have opted to go with it anyway. I don't think my parameters are overbearing, nor do I think I'm being bitchy, snobby or rude to have them and to follow them. 

If you think less of me or don't like it...it's okay...we're probably not a good match. 

I had the realization that online dating is not really a popularity contest, any more than receiving 200 likes on something you post on Facebook is not indicator of your overall influence in the world. I'm going through and ending conversations with people I don't think are compatible and sometimes that requires a split minute judgement on how they answered a question. Might I miss someone who I might have had a nice evening with? Probably. Might I also strengthen my chances at finding someone who I might be able to spend a few nice evenings with? Certainly. 

The main parameters are simple: 

I have decided that I do not text date. It's been my assessment that text messaging stifles actual conversation and actually getting to know someone. Therefore, I have decided that, at least with boys I'm potentially going to go on a date with, text message must be replaced with actual phone calls. Corollary: Text messaging is appropriate for sending the address of where we are meeting or confirming details. But otherwise, guess what: the phone makes calls too. 

Once you have called to ask me out, please create some sort of a plan. It projects at least a vague interest and subtly lets me know that you're at least somewhat for real. It's disheartening to be asked out and then asked to make the plans. 

You're not coming home with me. Don't ask. 

In the interest of full disclosure, I developed these parameters prior to this online dating fete, but honestly have not had the opportunity to put them into practice. It's now been a week and last night I had the first opportunity to give someone my phone number and tell them not to text me. 

Sly Kitten said "He's going to think you're WEIIIRRRRDDD!" 

I said "He probably will anyway, this is the least weird thing about me."

In the end, last night I had the opportunity to try it out twice. It was hard to phrase. The conversation goes like this. 

(Paraphrasing)

Him: Lets meet up! Here is my number!

Me: Great, I'd love too, Here is my number, and...

What do I say here? I don't text?  He's going to find out that's a lie. How do you phrase it to not sound standoffish. 

"I'd rather talk than text, give me a call"

"Here's the rub, I prefer not to text, looking forward to your call"

I've tried both of these out, now, last night.  

I had both results. One guy never responded and I looked into my messages and he's hidden himself. The other one called. 

We're meeting up for a cupcake tonight. He said he appreciated that I didn't want to text. We spoke for a bit last night. 

He's probably not "the one" he might not be anyone. But the fact that I requested to not passively communicate and told him I was down to meet up and take part in a plan that I did not create, he reacted too in the way, I presume, men do...

He just did it. 

Week one: Over and out.