I'm confused too.
Am I supposed to like sex and be ready to roll when I'm ready to roll, regardless of other variables with my partner? Or am I supposed to be chaste, a "good girl" and wait it out until he "deserves me."
Am I supposed to like it? Or is it something I'm just supposed to do. Can I tell someone what I like without sounding "slutty"? And what is slutty anyway?
I read things geared towards women of all ages regarding "embracing" ones sexuality and enjoying sex, presumably as "the boys" do. However, on the other sides of their mouth, these same people are saying "Wait, don't move to fast, he'll think less of you."
Now, I do think there is some nuance regarding if you are using sex as a weapon or as a tool. Sex won't make someone love you and when adding a sexual component to a relationship, invariably, you add a considerably high number of other factors to a relationship. Often though, I think we forget to tell girls how to tell the difference and give them the tools to decipher if they want to have sex for themselves or for someone else. We're not giving them much information there, it seems. A large amount of memes suggesting the actions of men who "respect" their woman and those of ones who do not.
However, I'm not sure if I agree with "meme-ucation" and I think our girls deserve better.
Today, a friend of mine, who has a daughter who is getting ready to turn 8 posted a meme saying "I'm going to teach my daughter the 7 B's. Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies.
While I think it's vital that anyone who is sexually active has a complete grasp on all the facets of a sexual relationship, which can include pregnancy and disease...I think it's important to also not make them terrified of sex or surround them with the knowledge that choosing to have sex means choosing to have babies or get a disease. Potentially and without knowledge, yes, but you can have a very healthy sex life without fear of either of these things.
Yes, I realize the only 100% safe form of birth control is abstinence. But it's also not a very realistic form of birth control for anyone with hormones. Abstinence only education does not take into account that the average age of marriage is continually being pushed back or that it's a largely accepted standard to progress from high school to college and possibly beyond.
This means that most of people are not even LOOKING for a spouse until they are well into their 20's. Meanwhile, we are expecting them to ignore all hormonal developments in their ever changing bodies for the first quarter of their lives. Our parents and grandparents didn't even have this expectation for themselves. Previous generations were getting married at 18, right after high school and thus "allowed" to have sex.
Now we are telling people, especially girls, "go get your education, go after your career...but stay away from sex. While you are ready to get an advanced education, possibly live away from home and handle money, you, my dear, are in no way ready to handle sex."
A brief glance through the journal of my grandmother, which she kept when she was 20, had not met my grandfather yet and was in nursing school (and I'm sure did not expect her granddaughter to read one day) shows that even in those days, women we're purely abstaining from sex. They had the same urges and desires, but knew less about what to do with them, overall.
But why are we giving girls these mixed messages. "You can be anything you want, but a sexual being."
Why, in 2016, do fathers still feel compelled to post memes intended to scare away boyfriends. Did it scare you away when your father in law did that? Moreover, did it make you respect the guy more, when he said he had a gun and an alibi? Unlikely. You probably still thought he was a poor schlump who had not made peace with the fact that his daughter was growing up.
I think it's far more valuable to invest this time into creating a relationship with your child that is open enough for them to be able to ask questions, for you to learn to provide them with relevant facts and education. Moreover, for you to show, as a parent, that you will love them, choices and all.
Give your kids, but especially your girls, the knowledge to understand the difference between love and lust and the strength of character to be able to understand her own value. Let her learn that boys don't necessarily bring babies, but that is one of the risks. However, also address their own blossoming sexuality and help them be able to handle what is going on in their bodies...and that their bodies might betray their minds sometimes.
But give them facts, not fear. Give them tangible tools, not a succession of memes.
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