I'm tired...

I am tired...

I'm tired of saying yes, when I want to say no to plans and I'm tired of feeling bad when what I'd rather do is lay on my couch, wrapped up in my ugly chenille blanket and sweat pants and watch whatever TV show I'm binge watching. I'm tired of apologizing that I don't feel like going to your social event because I'm feeling a little anti-social right now and I really just want to watch the West Wing...yes...again.

I'm tired of being told that because I don't have kids I can't possibly know what real love is or real tired is or real fulfillment is. Guess what...not everyone sees kids and a house in the burbs as being aspirational. We all aspire differently.

And for goddsakes, please stop telling me that when I "meet the right person" I'll suddenly want kids. I'll leave room for that to happen, but serious consideration should be taken into account that in 36 years I've never longed for kids, years ago, I thought i had to have them and that when they came along, i'd be ready for them. Life changed and i realized that I didn't have to have kids and it came with an overwhelming feeling of relief. I'm tired of being told I'd be an awesome mom. Maybe I would be? Who knows. But I'm tired people acting like offspring should be my destination...it might not even be part of my journey. (Unless it's THE OFFSPRING, the band, and then they can be both my destination and my journey, as I rarely tire of that band.)

I'm tired having to stay on my toes when I'm talking to a guy and deflect all their annoying sexually laced comments with grace. It's impolite to tell someone to fuck off, but I find myself wanting to say it often. I don't really care about your apartment with the amazing view or your "toys"...do you have actual interests? Past trying to get me to sleep with you, do you have interests? Do you have friends? Do you have someone in the world who will tell you to stop being so damn creepy?

On that note, I'm tired of having to pretend I don't like someone I do, because of this whole "chase" mentality. You can't act like you like someone, or they will stop liking you and you best not admit that what you want is a boyfriend. Kiss of death. Act like you like someone, that you actually have a vested interest in spending time with them.

Apologize when you are wrong, quickest way I know to get someone to never speak to again.

I'm tired of wearing heels. They hurt my feet and any girl who says that they are not is a fucking liar.

I'm tired of having three bites of pizza when I want to have the whole goddamn thing, of laughing at jokes that aren't funny and having to wear eyeliner every night. I want some nights off from eyeliner wearing and to rock kicks on a date. I want to only wear heels and eyeliner for important occasions.