hate and the haters...

My mother really hates my ex husband. Honestly, most of the people who were in my life a decade ago when he left me, literally collapsed in the middle of the street crying and begging...most of those people aren't fond of him. And why would they be? He was cruel and calculating, planning his filing of paperwork to end our marriage down to having all his suits at the cleaners...he waited until various stars in his evil sky aligned...and then surprised me with paperwork on Monday in the middle of summer. 

Sometimes you don't know you are grateful for something until later...

All this time, my mother has maintained hating my ex husband. His name comes up from time to time and my mother ascertains that as far as she is concerned, he can ingest feces and expire. Her hatred is real. 

But the thing I'm grateful for is...it's freed me from having to hate him myself. 

To steal a sentiment from my favorite movie of all time "Steel Magnolias"..."You know I never worry mama, because I know you're worried enough for the both of us." My mother hates enough for two...and it's a gift i'm grateful for. 

Now i'm trying to sift through the ashes of Smash's and my's relationship and yet again, my mother and a majority of my friends have come to rescue with enough hate and enough anger to encompass me too. Thereby freeing me of needing to weigh those emotions myself. 

Hatred is tiring, but it's even more tiring when you're already hurt and exhausted and embarrassed. Knowing I have "haters by proxy" allows me to focus on positivity. Knowing that I have friends who would, if asked, make a public scene to uphold my honor and his embarrassment is oddly comforting.  I like knowing that "my people" are spread out and far reaching...and that above all, they love me. Love me enough to shield me from the pain of hating someone, from the embarrassment of being hurt and from the overall sadness of knowing that the person you loved lied and lied and lied. 

to hate for someone else...man, that's love.