where to start..how to end?

I'm sitting in the basement of the Manhattan hotel i've been contracted for as I type this. My day has been filled with nerves and frustration, mostly centered on job related things...but largely centered on the potential extension of my contract/continuation of my being employed. it's been a strange day.

but nothing compared to the email that i just got.

My friends brother passed last night. I don't know anymore more than that, I'm sure they are exhausted and emotional.

But all i can think of is...how? why? how can you even begin to think about unexpectedly planning a funeral for your brother...a mere 9 months after you were unexpectedly planning a funeral for your mother. Where does a task like that even start? Why was my friend chosen for this path.

I have no idea...It's something I cannot comprehend. It's something I can't make sense of because there is no sense to make of it. We've been told since childhood that life is not fair, but this is the epitome of unfair.

I know my friend, she will be strong and steadfast and the funeral will probably even have moments of laughter. I don't know how, but she will find the good in this and come from a place a love. She and her 2 other siblings will find a way.

But dammit, I just sat in a funeral home, in a church and watched them bury someone they loved, too early and to quickly. It was only 9 months ago...it just happened...

So for now, I cherish the relative simplicity of the uncertainty of employment. The funny thing? If i was standing in front of her, she would be asking me how I am...give me her good wishes. In a dark hour for her, she would worry about me.

So today, I worry about her. I think about her, her family...pray for them to be covered and for the solitude of spirit to be able to walk through this.

Today is just too soon and it's just not fair.