it's very likely on any given day i won't know what day of the week it is. i tend to work in these long stretches of time that have no basing on a normal schedule and lately i've only been getting one day off at a time...so it's just sort of of one, never-ending work week, with a few random days in the middle, most of which i sleep through.alas...i think it's monday night. I'm pouring my second whiskey. I technically don't have to work tomorrow...i think that means that i won't show up at the hotel...but i'll probably spend half the day doing work related things...and maybe some laundry.
Unless, of course, I can convince Jers that "Mimosa Tuesday" is a holiday that needs taken into consideration. So "Mimosa Tuesday" is actually dependent on some family court schedule somewhere.
i'm pretty sure my boss is trying to fire me. i'm not exactly certain why, it wouldn't seem in her best interests to do so...but alas, she has yet to fail at making things more difficult than I feel is actually necessary. I get it...she's in charge and she can be in charge. I actually don't want to be in charge. There is ZERO power struggle coming from my end. I'm honestly just trying to do a good fucking job at my fucking job. It's amazing the amount of energy I feel like I have to dedicate to covering my ass and I keep wondering what 8th wonder of the world I could be building if I could spent that time actually doing my job and not freaking out and trying to predict where the next bomb will drop.
I just don't know what to do about that situation. For the most part I just put my head down and keep working. I feel a little like Nemo...just keep swimming...just keep swimming...but if it's not something I haven't done...it's something I have done...or something that I didn't catch that someone else is doing. or something i never knew about whatever.
it's a constant mindfuck...and it's such a damn waste of time.
I have almost no ego...and very little need for glory. She can have all the glory and take credit for anything in the world that I do...just stop trying to screw with my damn career. I've worked hard on this shit...and I already paid my dues working for crazy person. It was just long ago that I almost forgot how exhausting it is.
almost.
when i walked in my house at midnight last night and realized that what i was smelling were the dishes...and then i walked around the house and collected 6 different glasses, each with the remnants of limes and the smell of whiskey...
...when i actually audibly cheered because i found 2 more pairs of underwear in my drawer...
...2 week old bowl of guacamole in the fridge?
...i still have the christmas decorations up...fuck...i still have my halloween decor sitting out....
the only thing that is done is the dry cleaning...and i don't do that.
i need to be a big girl, pull up my big girl pants and take care of this shit. i did the dishes last night and broke two in the process...whoops. don't do dishes angry.
i asked my buddy if he would consider kidnapping me. he told me i was too pretty to go to jail. backwards ass lovely compliment.
i think this is a transition year.
i think this year's motto is "less fantasy: more reality"
because i'm tired of pretending.
so let's try that.
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