cleaning is probably the thing i hate to do that i most look forward too. when i'm in the mood, i actually enjoy the process of taking everything out and sorting and combining and tossing things that are not needed. While my parents and Smash might contest this (being some of the people who have lived with me) i actually really like when things are organized and taken care of.
I'm just also a borderline hoarder and it makes it hard to get rid of things when i think i might find a good use for them at another time.
...but i disgress.
so i started cleaning the house...really cleaning. not that bullshit cleaning you do when you don't REALLY care, but want to get things looking better. The sort of shit that you do open up closets and pull everything out from under the bed. Move the dressers everything off the shelves, wipe down the walls behind things...high level stuff. The sort of stuff my mom would be proud that she taught me how to do when i was a kid and then immediately upset at how little i do it.
**the other good thing about this sort of cleaning is that while it's sort of fun to pull everything out and clean it up, i loose interest somewhere in the middle the "putting it all away" stage. so usually, this sort of cleaning has the added benefit of that at some point I'd rather get rid of something than figure out where to put it, so it becomes a good purge.
While doing this sort of intense cleaning, one is prone to find things they are not looking for. While i still have not located my checkbook (where oh where did you go little checkbook??) i did find another nail in the coffin of my relationship with Smash...and this one hurt differently, but hurt all the same.
Money has been an issue in Smash's and I relationship from almost day 1, which was technically day 14 and we were in West Virginia and we took a cab back to the hotel from a club and he didn't offer to pay...or split it or anything. I thought that was odd, but over time adjusted my expectations. I started to think that if i wanted to be an "independent woman" that meant i had to pay for stuff. Not that i am/have been or will be looking for someone to swoop in and take care of me...because i am not...but it bothered me. because being treated makes one feel special and cared for...and that WAS a feeling i was looking for.
over the past 5 years, somewhere along the line, i gave up. It became so painful to be let down that he didn't care about me enough to WANT to woo me, to WANT to treat me to WANT to show me i was cared for. Dinners that he DID pay for became something on the tally sheet and with in a few days i'd hear that i was not appreciative enough or that I hadn't been quite thankful enough.
In short, everything became about money. We couldn't go do things because he "didn't want to spend the money" or "didn't have money for that" We stopped going out as a couple because getting the tab and asking the waitress to split the bill became humiliating, but not quite as humiliating as having a dinner down the street held over your head, because you HAVEN'T been thankful enough.
When we moved into our new place, i was the one that was buying the things that "make a house a home" he purchased the coffee table and rug in the living room under duress and not before we went to 20 other places in search of it "cheaper" he had a very strong opinion of the "look" he wanted in the house, but was unwilling to commit money to the project until i kicked and screamed and begged and cried. That got old quickly.
In fact, it all got old. stopping into the pub when he was there got old because if i had a beer and left without giving him some cash, i'd hear for 3 days about how i "stuck him with my tab". So i stopped expecting more, i started taking cash out the ATM and giving him a 10 because it was easier. Meanwhile, I cover his insurance, pay all the bills in our house and generally take care of things around the house. I go to the store and buy the groceries and make the dinner and it's not as though i place the plate down and then hand him a bill.
I stopped thinking about it. I was used to Smash being broke and just decided that i'd take care of the stuff i wanted too...because it kept my stress level at bay.
So this is the background you must know...before you find out that while cleaning up the house, i found a check account deposit ticket and discovered that Smash had hoarded away over 50K.
58K and he was still hammering me about a 30 dollar dinner. 58K when he knew i was struggling or taking money from my savings or sweating out if the checks i'd already written would clear before my paycheck did.
but it wasn't just me, as i talked to friends and family of his, they all shared stories of Smash being a mooch, it wasn't something that went unnoticed by people. They were just used to Smash being broke and got used to it. So he never bothered to update anyone.
never bothered to update anyone...and there was 58 GRAND in there.
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